Waiting While Bowed Down

“God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks. It’s a good thing to quietly hope, quietly hope for help from God. It’s a good thing when you’re young to stick it out through the hard times. When life is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself. Enter the silence. Bow in prayer. Don’t ask questions: Wait for hope to appear.” -Lamentations 3:25-29 (The Message).

To passionately wait; to quietly hope…. they seem to be opposites & the antithesis of what I tend to do in times of trouble.  Yet, I’ve found in the past several weeks that sometimes God puts us in positions where that is ALL we can do.  In a culture permeated with a must do attitude to see results, there are moments where waiting while bowed down before Him is what we MUST do above all else.  There then comes the time when God bids us to rise up & answer the knock.

I didn’t expect the knock on the door on December 30th, but there it was & I answered it.  I had prayed about this for three years, along with my oldest son.  It was a situation where I could do nothing but wait quietly.  Until that momemnt. Now I had to choose whether or not to let him in to see his sons after three years absence.

The father of my sons showed  up after a few years not seeing them at all.  At the time it was cordial.  Contact was re-established & my boys had varied reactions.  At 5 & 3 years of age I could not expect them to grasp the full scope of the moment.  The oldest was shy & aloof; the youngest curious & enthralled (opposite what I initially anticipated).  Following countless nightly prayers for a daddy, he magically appeared.  Fantasy & reality collided in their little minds.

While at first my reaction was hopeful, suspicion took hold  later.  A one hour visit tore open pain of the past & I panicked.  Following a week of prayer, sickness, & the support of friends I have healing to the wounds that were ripped open.  Yes, I question his timing & sincerity.  True, I did some digging when this dad’s appearance didn’t seem as miraculous as I prayed for.  A mother desires to protect her sons, but a woman needs to protect her heart.  Yes, he apologized & saw his sons, but I also felt used again.

I have learned from this situation to differentiate between what I must do for God & how I must wait on God.  This is never an easy choice where human will & emotions are concerned.  Looking forward to the new year, I have decided to diligently wait on my Lord passionately; in quiet hope.  Perhaps one could call it a resolution. I embrace it as a spiritual reality.  As a control freak, there are many things outside my control.  I tend to either give up or over analyze these circumstances.

Instead, I bow down….I wait…I may cry.  But I am not panicked or unpeaceful.  I surrender & lay it all at the cross (this is not a cliche).  That is all I can do until He bids me otherwise.  Especially where a wounded heart, a healed heart, a heart awakened to a new love is concerned.  I need to fall in love with my Jesus as a wounded love is healed & I fall in love with another.

I want to share a song/prayer that was NOT written by me, but rather a friend I went to seminary with.  Her name is Rebecca Howell & though I have not seen her for years, I very often sing these word she wrote to my soul.

Waiting for fruit to ripen

Waiting for seeds to grow

Sometimes it seems Your Kingdom

Comes only in ways that are slow

But I don’t have to wait to know that You love me

I don’t have to wait to know that You care

I can seek you each day in the Word You have given

And come to You in prayer