Monthly Archives: May 2012
A Poignant Reminder
This morning I awoke in a very somber mood, for selfish reasons. For whatever notion, I recalled sad memories I associated with this holiday. It was not because I know a veteran who has fallen while serving our country. It was more because I linked Memorial Day with having my heart-broken. In the few relationships I’ve had, all have a traumatic incident that happened on this holiday. For some, these things happen more on Christmas or Thanksgiving, but not me. I really don’t know why I pondered these memories today, but I was soon struck out of it because it’s not about me….
For some, Memorial Day denotes memories of another nature. Hearts are broken, but this is for the loved ones who may never return, or have been overseas for a long employment, or have long passed away. These are real people & God sees their pain; comforts their grieving. Whatever our political convictions or plans for a day off picnic, these are the poignant reminders we need to adhere to.
From crosscards.com
Certainly, Jesus made the supreme sacrifice to redeem our souls when He died on the cross, rose again from the grave, & He lives eternally. May this hope be the anchor to our souls.
Radically Redeemed, Not Single: Perceptions of A Term
I again write an unplanned message. Yeah, I have ideas in the vault waiting to churn out. I confess when there’s something burning on my mind I need to share, it’s best for me to just sit on it or tell someone else. This is not a deep personal diary or an editorial forum. I don’t need to stir controversy (but it might be daring!). That’s part of why there was a two month gap in my writing on here- I refrained from spewing my views on child molesters or why I’m not voting in the upcoming presidential election.
This is not political, but personal. It’s rather, well, linguistic. Nothing is new under the sun & I think what I’ve discovered tonight about myself may ring true with you, & in the least make you think.
I’ve said this before on here in other ways & for other reasons, but I despise the term single mom (or dad for that matter). Sure, I still automatically say “I’m a single mom” when introducing myself. It’s threaded in the fabric of my personality, inwoven clumsily amongst Christian, poet, woman, sister, daughter or whatever else I happen to think I am at the moment. At moments I’m ashamed of the negative connotations of that title. Other times, I see it as completely unfounded & not needed. Even so, it’s branded permanently in the title of this blog (which, by the way , I hope grows unto His will). Tonight, I’m grateful for the word ‘redeemed”, thus transforming my scorned term.
Just a few hours ago I realized that “single mom” has nastier meanings to others. People equate it to easy, sleazy, slut, or whore. No, I’m not imagining things. A quick glance at my Twitter page showed me this. I use Twitter as a forum for this blog & to educate myself from other Christians. I’m not even on Facebook anymore as I distrust the company, view it as a shallow way to connect, & am very private (despite writing on here!).
I noticed an inordinate amount of people “following” me on Twitter lately. I was intrigued; I knew this blog was not growing rapidly & wanted to check followers that seemed questionable. I had no idea why they’d follow me.
Examining their user names, scanning their feeds, & viewing faceless pictures told me quickly what they may be after. It was not edification from a follower of Jesus. Their inappropriateness spoke to my being viewed as a commodity. Of course, I blocked these users & tried to tweak my profile to limit the use of “single”.
I became infuriated initially, thinking I had to hide an aspect of myself. A more disturbing notion gnawed at me- what if the greater population shares the same ideals as lewd men? She’s alone with two little kids & unmarried, how did she screw herself up so much? I’ve even been asked, by complete strangers, where their dad is or who their dad is. My response has either been that he’s at work or that Jesus is their dad. Really.
So what do we do with these realizations? Literature on parenthood makes one feel like garbage enough, even in the Christian realm. The chapter on single mothers in James Dobson‘s book ‘Bringing Up Boys” sickened my spirit (apparently he thinks we’re sluts too!). The rest of the book is good though, honestly. Even in the area of Christian dating, there are so-called Christian men who feel it’s ok to mess around, that God‘s dictates on purity in the Bible don’t apply if you’ve already been married. I’ve run into these “pseudo-men”, even after I had my sons. I ran the other way too.
So what is a woman (or man) who is devoted to purity to do? Are we to dive off a cliff like a lemming? There are days I wanted to. It seems hopeless on this earth, like we’re too far gone, too damaged to be a worthy treasure ever again, not permitted to adorn virginal white. or never to sport purity rings.
Praise the Lord, there are labels other than the world’s “white trash” & the like! God has redeemed us! This means if we believe in Jesus, we are bought back; made a new person by accepting His nature as God! According to Isaiah, God called us by name. Our name, the one He gave us, not others. This is “precious” & “honored”. This should make you feel like a prince or princess because you are!
No matter what may have been done- who may have used you, tempted you, rejected you. However sin of this nature has stained us, we are made clean & adorn virginal white spiritually in His sight! Do you believe this? Truthfully, I have trouble believing it (even today). I feel helpless & need to write on here as a reminder. Or I see sleazy people on my Twitter account. Or compare words like sleazy with precious. Which is true? We need not exchange the truth for a lie! This writer is not a whore, but is precious. She needs to remain with those who see her as her Lord sees her.
All this requires us to be worthy of God’s honor by fiercely keeping His word as given in scriptures. Not compromising, no matter what our hearts (or flesh) may tell us. I’ve been there, done that. Now there’s the new thing being created. As I wrote in “A Future Bride’s Bold Prayer“: intimacy is an act of worship in Jesus to be saved for marriage, Christ will heal the wounded patterns, we are to cherish & preserve our purity for our future spouse. How do we do this, embrace purity in our unique situations & culture? I promise to explore this further. I leave you with the following verse to ponder.
They Are Not Mine
I’m always coming to this humbling conclusion, my sons are not mine. This has nothing to do with biological DNA, but rather with spiritual identity. I’ve been acting as though I created them, thus diminishing the glory & trust of their real Creator, Jesus. I (& their dad) were merely vessels used of Him to bring my little boys to this earth.
So why have I ignored this truth? Why do I constantly mutter, “I can’t do this alone!” & shoulder the monumental burden of guilt upon myself? I literally shelter them from everything I deem a threat to our existence (be it real or perceived). Often this is for my genuine concern for them, & at moments more for how I think I will be looked at as a single mom. I’m almost teaching them to be ashamed of our situation when I do this.
For instance, I’m going to admit something difficult…I purposely try not to go to play groups where other moms are there with their kids. I do this because I compare myself with others, & despise the fact that I’m not as “normal” as they seem. Therefore, I deprive my boys the chance to interact with other kids their age & learn new things,. This is not so much an issue with Sunday School or kid’s church events. It’s more the everyday go to the park or toddler gym thing.
I’m also grieved that my oldest starts kindergarten in the fall; not entirely for the typical reasons. I resent having to send him to a public school; the district we live in now has the second lowest ratings in our entire county. I feel like a failure because he seems behind in some areas & I have not been able to teach him properly. I grieve that I can’t home school him (his dad would dislike the idea & I need to return to work.) As a whole, this all makes me feel like a miserable person.
Yet, it’s not about me. They are not mine. They are not even their dad’s. They are His. I should not be afraid when they go to dad’s house & encounter things I (or Jesus) may disapprove of. I’ve been praying fervently over them for many years, right? So no need to worry that their unbelieving father might instill ungodly views in their psyches. I’ve instilled for many more years the Holy Word of God in them which is more powerful than a two-edged sword. No need to numb myself when I feel I can’t take it. If I acknowledge God to be my Father, He is even more so theirs.
I shall remember their joy when they come home from kid’s church reciting Bible verses & stories to me; when they want to dance & sing to praise songs. I shall recall their zeal to read from The Beginner’s Bible each night before bed (even if it’s the same stories repeatedly) & watch their animated Christian programs like Veggie Tales. I’ll rejoice when they ask me if all the people in the houses we’re driving past know Jesus or when they preach to their stuffed doggies. They are not mine, they belong to Jesus. I surrender them, praising Jesus for the gift of them & entrusting them to me.
A Future Bride’s Bold Prayer
On May 7th, I quoted a prayer on a post titled “My Prayer in Christ‘s Perspective”. It alluded to the fact that I myself have been praying for my future husband. I became inspired to do this for many reasons. First of all, I’ve made mistakes & have been hurt in my past. Despite this God has placed in me a fervent desire to experience a marriage in His design for His glory. Over several years He’s healed me from a ten-year marriage & a two-year unwise relationship. After reading a book entitled Get Married: What Women Can Do to Help It Happen by Candice Watters (a founder of Boundless webzine , affiliated with Focus on the Family), I became determined & inspired to pray for this area of my life. Though Boundless has a target of twenty-something never married people, I as a thirtysomething (pushing forty) divorced single mom could relate.
Believe me, I debated whether to share something so personal. This is like the deepest desire of my heart lifted up to my Savior. I do not idolize it, but rather the opposite. If it’s truly His will & plan, I don’t want it in any way contrary to His favor. I share this not to boast, but to inspire you. If you are at a certain point in your journey, it’s not wrong to audaciously pray for something you desire that pleases the Lord & will further his Kingdom. I would also hope that you remember me in this & pray for me too (as I will for you).
So in an outline form, here are the ideas behind my prayer. This is personal (though hopefully God pleasing) & it’s not to say one must go about these things as I do. As I shared, this is an example of boldness in prayer. It does not just have to be marriage. For you it can be any number of things God placed in Your spirit.
Elements of my prayer for a Christ-like marriage….
~Jesus, You are my true Groom, and my hope rests in you. You created me & you know my inner most needs & my heart’s desire.
~Christ is the ultimate matchmaker, who has placed in me a longing for a holy marriage in His design.
~I believe God created marriage for my good & ultimately for His glory.
~Release me from the broken pattern of my past relationships.
~Prepare me for the man who will be my husband on this earth, that we will serve Jesus for His glory. Redeem what has been lost, heal what has been wounded.
~Make me a woman worth waiting for- one who will serve & submit & be a blessing to him.
~I ask that You are with him at this very moment comforting him & that You help him grow into a strong man for Jesus.
~Preserve my purity, for I cherish it. Intimacy is an act of worship in Jesus to be saved for marriage. This area will be made new.
~Lead my heart & guard my mind. Open my heart at the right time to him.
~May my loneliness not paralyze me, but may Christ’s love empower me.
~Direct our paths & remove any obstacles in our way. Orchestrate in Your miraculous way how our lives, spirits, & hearts will intersect.
~Please allow him to come into my life now so we can begin to earnestly build our friendship in You (if we have not begun so already)
Yes, this seems like a lot, but it has come after much soul-searching & time. I wait expectantly & joyously to see how the Lord orchestrates it.
Prayer of Promise For A Grey Day
“God of our life, there are days when the burdens we carry chafe our shoulders and weigh us down; when the road seems dreary and endless, the skies grey and threatening; when our lives have no music in them, and our hearts are lonely, and our souls have lost their courage.
Flood the path with light, run our eyes to where the skies are full of promise; tune our hearts to brave music; give us the sense of comradeship with heroes and saints of every age; and so quicken our spirits that we may be able to encourage the souls of all who journey with us on the road of life, to Your honour and glory. “
Contradictions Thus Understood
“The many contradictions in our lives – such as being home while feeling homeless, being busy while feeling bored, being popular while feeling lonely, being believers while feeling many doubts - can frustrate, irritate, and even discourage us. They make us feel that we are never fully present. Every door that opens for us makes us see how many more doors are closed. But there is another response.
These same contradictions can bring us into touch with a deeper longing for the fulfillment of a desire that lives beneath all desires and that only God can satisfy. Contradictions, thus understood, create the friction that can help us move toward God. “
~Henri Nouwen
Nouwen Centre
from “Bread for the Journey”
Let Them Come to Me
Again, on this rainy day where I live, I’m offering up someone else’s words. This time they’re in the form of song lyrics. I’m not sure if I quoted these before on here, but in my estimate they bear repeating. This is an obscure song by Chris Eaton, who wrote for & worked with many Christian musicians including Amy Grant, Twila Paris, & Susan Ashton. Another intriguing thing about him is that he is a survivor of divorce (in biblical circumstances) & is now married again. The song “Let Them Come to Me” is one I first heard when I was in seminary in 1999 at a home Bible study group. Before we delved in scripture, we listened to music by candlelight. The album it comes from, Wonderful World, is hard to find (unfortunately my tape wore out). Written at the time when his heart was broken, may these words comfort you as they do me.
LET THEM COME TO ME
You can see the pain of the desolate
You can see the greed of the powerful
Watch it on TV, and feel nothing at all
But you don’t have to feel nothing
I am the future
I am the way ahead
I light the pathway
I heal the broken heart
I see the trouble
I calm the raging seas
So let them come to me
You can break the heart of a special friend
You can lose a love and never love again
You can wear a cross and feel nothing at all
You don’t have to feel nothing
I am the future
I am the way ahead
I light the pathway
I heal the broken heart
I see the trouble
I calm the raging seas
So let them come to me
And I will tender your needs
And I will banish your fears
And I will give you peace
And I will, I will be the one to wipe your tears away
I am the future
I am the way ahead
I light the pathway
I heal the broken heart
I see the trouble
I calm the raging seas
So let them come to me
I see the trouble
I calm the sea
So let them come, come to me
I heal the broken heart
I heal the broken heart
I heal the broken heart
So let them come to me
Written by Chris Eaton (for the album Wonderful World)
A Mother of Great Power
Today, on this Mother’s Day, I give you a profound quote from Charles Spurgeon, The Sword and Trowel (September, 1873):
“The devil never reckons a man to be lost so long as he has a good mother alive. O woman, great is thy power!”
The design is by Jennifer Knight. You can follow Desiring God on Pinterest here.
I originally found this via John Piper‘s site, Desiring God. I borrow these words to share them with you, that you may take heart. You are not alone & what we do for our children has eternal importance. ~HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY! Many blessings to you.
This Season’s Theme
The following verse (Proverbs 13:12) is one I think of often lately. I’ve written about it before. Of course, my hope is ultimately anchored in Jesus. I embrace eternal promises that no man or circumstance can vanquish. Here on earth, it is a more tortured tale borne out of a God-given desire or need which remains ever elusive. Life & the people in it can betray; break us. The jagged shards they leave bleed. Then it is a choice whether to dull the edges alone with the numbness of denial or self-pity. Jesus wants to sand off the rough edges of loneliness with His healing love. These ideas are a poem I had churning in my mind to write. I pray the verses I birth reflect how my Savior has in store a wellspring; not a pipe dream. He created me & knows full well that no man (or woman) should be alone. May I not try to escape my present reality by gazing too far ahead of Him. Christ knows full well the sickness of heart is but for a season. He is the fulfillment of every desire God ever placed inside to His glory.
